OPE!

The ranch dressing of music blogs by Brady Gerber.

Taylor Swift online.

Rating: 0.5 out of 4.

Yesterday I was walking past The Grove in Los Angeles and saw a dog urinating on deluxe vinyls of Joni Mitchell’s For the Roses, Michelle Branch’s The Spirit Room, and Mitski’s Laurel Hell, and I thought well, at least that dog didn’t write the lyrics to The Tortured Poets Department. Now, I don’t hate that Taylor Swift reengineered the sound of a boygenius cover album of the first couple The 1975 EPs. I’ve never hated the sound of Taylor Swift albums, and I will always be a sucker for the sound of lonely and lovely city lights in transit. This half-star is for Swift still being a professional when it comes to crafting all the glow that hums in the background of her songs (Broken Social Scene were also good at this). These are also the worst lyrics I’ve ever heard in pop music. Taylor, we get it: you dated Matt Healy, instead of Matt Healy dating you. This album makes Lana Del Rey look like Scott Walker. How pissed do you think Matt Berninger is right now that he allowed Swift to ruin his band for this. At least reputation had messy music to match the illusion of messiness before ending with an actual song (“New Year’s Day,” still lovely). The Tortured Poets Department is all hum yet no song. This album stinks.

-Brady Gerber

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